see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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