Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
