she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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