Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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