yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
