Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
