I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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