i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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