I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
