i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Did I show you my penis last night?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
