ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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