I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
