im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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