He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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