did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
