hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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