hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
