Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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