THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
