Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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