well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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