We named our party play list daddy issues
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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