well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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