I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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