I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
