Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
