I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
worst night to have a conscience
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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