I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I will pee on everything he values.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
