I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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