Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
