I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
