I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
