he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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