there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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