I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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