you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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