I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Its about making memories worth repressing
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
