Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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