He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
