I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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