sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
