We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
someone owes me an orgasm
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
