it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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