I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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