just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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