I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
