Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
