even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
