Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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