please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
