Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
