I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
