Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
