You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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