Can Purell be used as lube?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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