Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
