it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
