Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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