I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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