Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
