wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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