so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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